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What's More Attractive, Likes or Opposites?
I'm no fan of the so-called 'Law of Attraction promoted in the heavily hyped self fulfilling marketing vehicle that is 'The Secret.' But if like doesn't attract like when it comes to genies delivering bicycles, do opposites attract instead?
No, not when it comes to people, at least according to some research I've seen. But then, it depends on what you mean by opposite.
Back in 2005, Psychologist Eva C. Klohnen, Ph.D., along with graduate student Shanhong Luo, M.A., at the University of Iowa, in a study that involved 291 couples, newly wed, who were participants in the Iowa Marital Assessment Project. The couples met the criteria of being married for less than a year at the time of the study, and the average time the partners in each couple had dated each other was 3 and a half years.
Before I go on, I've just got to say that three and a half years of dating before getting married is a heckofa criterion. And it gets me wondering what that might say about the parties in the relationship. What took them so long? What were they waiting for, or needing to resolve? Obviously, that creates the experience of shared experiences, enough working through conflict and dealing with each other's odd behaviors, before they make a commitment.
At any rate, the couples were assessed on what were considered 'personality characteristics' such as attachment, extroversion, conscientousness, positive and negative emotions. Pardon me? These are personality characteristics? These aren't variables related to time, place, task and people? Sorry, I doubt that these are characteristics of the generalization of personality. I hold the opposite view. And yet, I am attracted to this study.
If you ever studied with me, you learned early on that I have next to nothing in common with anyone who believes in personality characteristics. I think personality is a huge generalization based on limited information. I think the belief in personality is a model that doesn't hold up to scrutiny, as people tend to change their 'type' depending on who they are with, what's going on, what they need and what is important to them at the time.
A guy walked up to me in a seminar and informed me that he'd just been through a personality profile. I asked him, "What have you learned from it?" He shook his head and said, "I've learned I'm an analytical socializer." I replied, "I think I'd prefer the heartbreak of psoriasis." Apparently, that was his cue to stop socializing, so he walked away, no doubt thinking about what that meant. I decided, as I stood there after, that I am opposed to the whole concept of personality profiling. And maybe that's what attracted this guy to the idea of telling me about it. They say 'Think outside the box.' So why work so hard to put yourself and others in one?
The interesting thing for me about these things I'm opposed to is how attracted I am to them! And it's not just me. My Dad told me he watches certain news shows presented by people he finds despicable because he loves to hate them. Our cats, Miracle and Grace, hated Rollie the cat when he came along. Those girls seemed like they were at death's door, until Rollie started pawing the door. Suddenly, they came to life! They seemed to want to live another day in order to keep him out of the house another day. In this way, I think they found him very attractive.
And that's what makes opposites attractive...opposites serve as points of reference for choices, for desires, for motivation, and for understanding yourself. So if I'm opposed to personality as a way of typing people, then what am I for? Behavior. Thank you personality tests for helping me know myself.
Here's what my experience tells me about all this. If you have two people in a relationship who are too identical, one of them isn't necessary. Differences can be incredibly attractive - men being attracted to women and women being attracted to men, for example, specifically because of gender differences; each person in an interdependent but not codependent couple having their own interests, hobbies and circles of friends; the stimulation of exploring meaningful differences as a way of getting to know someone other than yourself and expand your concept of the world you live in!
But when it comes to building relationships, common ground is essential.
About the Author
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Eva $14.38 In this futuristic novel a 13-year-old girl named Eva is in a coma after a devastating car accident. Knowing that her body is slipping away, Eva`s parents allow her brain to be transplanted into the body of a chimpanzee. When Eva awakens from her coma she must learn how to accept the fact that while her mind is still human, her body is not. Slowly, as Eva adapts to life as a chimpanzee, she finds the human part of herself slipping away as she becomes more and more in tune with her new physical self. Dealing with issues of animal rights, the battle between natural instincts and learned behaviors, and even media exploitation, EVA is an interesting and compelling work that combines aspects of both the science fiction and fantasy genres. |
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The Devil's Paw $3.99 "The Devil's Paw" by E. Phillips Oppenheim is a classic work of literature that can be enjoyed by all. Download "The Devil's Paw" and enjoy another quality Digireads.com publication. |
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The EVA Challenge $27.5 The co-founder of EVA shows how to apply it in today's new economy EVA-economic valued added-is a measure of the true financial performance of a company, and a strategy for creating corporate and shareholder wealth. It is also a method of changing corporate priorities and behavior throughout a company, right down to the "shop floor." In The EVA Challenge, the authors outline how to implement EVA-from training employees to answering the most frequently encountered implementation problems faced by companies. This detailed "how-to" guide represents the second phase in the "EVA Revolution", showing executives around the world how to customize and implement EVA at their companies. Here, EVA converts learn how to work some "EVA magic" through company-specific initiatives and case study examples. Coverage includes completely new materials on "real options", leveraged stock options, and other concepts critical to corporations in both new and old economy industry sectors. |
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EVA $11.99 EVA |
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Safe Paw Ice Melter $14.95 Keep your outdoor walkways safe for both you and your pet! No other ice/snow melter works like Safe Paw and is 100 percent safe for children, pets, all surfaces and the environment. Regular ice melt contains harsh chemicals that can cause burns on the pads of your dog's feet and can be toxic to your dogs. Safe Paw is non-toxic, safe for concrete and lawns, and works to two degrees below zero. As an added feature, Safe Paw leaves an invisible protective shield that prevents ice from sticking to the surface for up to three days. This makes shoveling easier and saves work. There is a handy, built in spout on the jug to make spreading easy. Contains: Carbonyl diamide and a pet-safe glycol admixture. As with any ice melter, do not use on concrete less than 12 months old. |
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Eva the Fugitive $26.95 An early cameo of Latin American surrealism, Rosamel del Valle's erotic narrative of ecstasy and perdition creates the rhythm of the dream and the tempo of madness. Intermittently a waiflike young woman, Eva, intrudes into the daily routine of the writer. Her appearances are marked by a circle of red and the vision of a deep well with a star hanging over it. A tone poem of surrealist encounter, pursuit, and loss, Eva y la Fuga was written in 1930 and finally published posthumously in 1970, by Monte Avila Press in Venezuela. Anna Balakian offers here the first translation of the work into any other language. She brilliantly conveys in English the author's highly metaphoric language and the immediacy of surrealist experience, signaled in the narrative by frequent lapses into a haunting present tense. On their walks through the streets of Santiago, Eva and the narrator mingle in the fiesta atmosphere of the Chilean Amusement Park, with its gigantic Ferris Wheel. Bits of real-life dialogue float through the air. But the couple move on different wavelengths from the crowd and often from each other. Passing in and out of his life, Eva exercises a hypnotic fascination over the writer and makes an equally profound impression on the reader. This narrative is in the same genre as Gerard de Nerval's Aurlia , Andr Breton's Nadja , and Michel Leiris's Aurora , and should be counted among the most compelling works of twentieth-century surrealist literature. |
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Eva Hesse $79.95 Here is an important new examination of the work of American German Jewish artist Eva Hesse, one of the most significant figures in twentieth century art. Using exciting new feminist approaches and taking as her starting point two key works, Corby reveals the way in which Hesse has been constructed as a 'woman artist' and explores the overlooked legacy of the Holocaust and refugee life in her art practice. Considering creativity and the feminine, trauma and historiography, and providing a reassessment of Hesse's relationship with her mother and its impact on her work, the book also confirms the importance of drawing practice within Hesse's wider oeuvre. |
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Eva-dry Eva-dry Wireless Dehumidifier EH-500F $33.24 Wireless dehumidifier Safe and nontoxic, Eva-Dry is a natural defense against moisture and mildew in larger places Fight dampness in boats, safes, RV's, and big closets Works in a 500 cu. ft. area and lasts approximately 30 to 60 days before renewing Same technology as the model No. E-500 with the addition of insertable fragrance packs Renewable Eva-Dry dehumidifier is filled with silica gel, a very thirsty substance plus fresh fragrance Odorless silica beads absorb many times their weight in moisture and lock it in so water can't leak or spill out When the Eva-Dry is full you renew the silica inside by plugging the unit into any power outlet Heat gently releases water vapor in a few hours When the indicator is blue again, Eva-Dry is renewed and ready to go back to work You can repeat the process for up to 10 years Reduces allergens and eliminates odors Spill and mess-free Absorbs humidity silently Operates without electricity or batteries Simply renew when indicator changes color Uses natural silica gel crystals Child and pet safe Nontoxic, colorless, and odorless Brand #: Eva-Dry EH-500F UPC: 832856000244 Keywords: mini dehumidifier mess free fresh fragrance moisture eliminator renewable wireless eco friendly |
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Eva-dry Eva-dry Wireless Dehumidifier E-333 $20.11 Wireless dehumidifier Safe and nontoxic Eva-Dry is a natural defense against moisture and mildew in small places Works in a 333 cu. ft. area and lasts 20 to 30 days before renewing Perfect for cabinets, safes, and closets Protects clothes and valuables from mold, mildew, and moisture Renewable Eva-Dry dehumidifiers are filled with silica gel, a very thirsty substance Odorless silica beads absorb many times their weight in moisture and lock it in so water can't leak or spill out When the Eva-Dry is full you renew the silica inside by plugging the unit into any power outlet Heat gently releases water vapor in a few hours When the indicator is blue again, Eva-Dry is renewed and ready to go back to work You can repeat the process for up to 10 years Reduces allergens and eliminates odors Spill and mess-free Absorbs humidity silently Operates without electricity or batteries Simply renew when indicator changes color Uses natural silica gel crystals Child and pet safe Nontoxic, colorless, and odorless Brand #: Eva-Dry E-333 UPC: 832856000060 Keywords: dehumidifier mini wireless eco friendly moisture eliminator renewable mess free |
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Eva-dry Eva-dry Wireless Dehumidifier E-500 $28.73 Wireless dehumidifier Safe and nontoxic, Eva-Dry is a natural defense against moisture and mildew in larger places Fight dampness in boats, safes, RV's, and big closets Works in a 500 cu. ft. area and lasts approximately 30 to 60 days before renewing Renewable Eva-Dry dehumidifiers are filled with silica gel, a very thirsty substance Odorless silica beads absorb many times their weight in moisture and lock it in so water can't leak or spill out When the Eva-Dry is full you renew the silica inside by plugging the unit into any power outlet Heat gently releases water vapor in a few hours When the indicator is blue again, Eva-Dry is renewed and ready to go back to work You can repeat the process for up to 10 years Reduces allergens and eliminates odors Spill and mess-free Absorbs humidity silently Operates without electricity or batteries Simply renew when indicator changes color Uses natural silica gel crystals Child and pet safe Nontoxic, colorless, and odorless Brand #: Eva-Dry E-500 UPC: 832856000084 Keywords: dehumidifier mini mess free wireless eco friendly moisture eliminator renewable |
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EVA Systems Patch $5.5 click images for larger view EVA Systems Patch Extra-vehicular activity (EVA) is work done by an astronaut away from the Earth and outside of a spacecraft. The term most commonly applies to an EVA made outside a craft orbiting Earth (a spacewalk) but also applies to an EVA made on the surface of the Moon (a moonwalk). In the later lunar landing missions the command module pilot did an EVA to retrieve film canisters on the return trip.Due to the different designs of the early spacecraft, the American and Soviet space programs also define an EVA differently. Russians define an EVA as occurring when a cosmonaut is in a vacuum. An American astronaut, in contrast, is not considered to have made an EVA until at least his head is outside the spacecraft. The term stand-up EVA (SEVA) is used for being partly outside.EVAs may be either tethered (the astronaut is connected to the spacecraft, oxygen can be supplied through a tube, no propulsion is needed to return to the spacecraft) or untethered. When the tether performs life support functions such as providing oxygen, it is called an umbilical. For untethered EVAs during space flight, capability of returning to the spacecraft is essential 4" embroidered patch |
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Persian Paw $10 Persian Paw |
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Bling Paw $10 Bling Paw |
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South Paw $17.99 South Paw |
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Under the Paw $7.26 Under the Paw |
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Eva Zeisel on Design (Paperback) $43.01 Designer Eva Zeisel, born in Budapest in 1906, has been in the forefront of American design since her arrival in 1938. Now she writes about the ideas that have inspired her to create her influential designs. The book is lavishly illustrated with photographs of her work. |
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Paw Prints Spotlight Border $9.1 Put the spotlight on student work trim doors walls bulletin boards windows and more with this fun footprint border. * 3 x 39" panels * Package of 12 |
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Converse Work 6 EVA Sport Boot (Men's) - Black $68.95 The 6" Sport Boot is Features a removable EVA cushion insert and a sponge rubber heel wedge. The duel density outsole features an EVA cushion midsole and a slip resistant Sure Grip Plus rubber bottom. Features a soft toe. |
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Converse Work 6 EVA Sport Boot (Women's) - Black $68.95 The 6" Sport Boot is Features a removable EVA cushion insert and a sponge rubber heel wedge. The duel density outsole features an EVA cushion midsole and a slip resistant Sure Grip Plus rubber bottom. Features a soft toe. |
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Converse Work EVA Plain Toe Oxford (Men's) - Black $60.95 The Plain Toe Oxford features a removable EVA cushion insert and a comfortable sponge rubber heel wedge. The slip resistant, dual density outsole features an EVA cushion midsole and Converse's Sure Grip Plus rubber outsole. Features a soft toe. |
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Converse Work EVA Plain Toe Oxford (Women's) - Black $60.95 The Plain Toe Oxford features a removable EVA cushion insert and a comfortable sponge rubber heel wedge. The slip resistant, dual density outsole features an EVA cushion midsole and Converse's Sure Grip Plus rubber outsole. Features a soft toe. |
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Political Map of Paw Paw, MI $19.99 Political Map of Paw Paw, MI - Premium Poster |
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Poems by Eva [Hardcover] $44.32 This is a pre1923 historical reproduction that was curated for quality. Quality assurance was conducted on each of these books in an attempt to remove books with imperfections introduced by the digitization process. Though we have made best efforts the books may have occasional errors that do not impede the reading experience. We believe this work is culturally important and have elected to bring the book back into print as part of our continuing commitment to the preservation of printed works worldwide. Author: Eva Binding Type: Hardcover Number of Pages: 144 Publication Date: 2009/10/27 Language: English Dimensions: 7.01 x 10.00 x 0.38 inches |
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Monkey's Paw $12.49 Monkey's Paw - Masterprint |
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Eva Gore-booth (Hardcover) $170.1 This is the first dedicated biography of the extraordinary Irish woman, Eva Gore-Booth. Gore-Booth rejected her aristocratic heritage, choosing to live and work among the poorest classes in industrial Manchester. Her work on behalf of barmaids, circus acrobats, flower sellers, and pit-brow lasses is traced in this book. During one impressive campaign, Gore-Booth orchestrated the defeat of Winston Churchill. Gore-Booth published volumes of poetry, philosophical prose, and plays, becoming a respected and prolific author of her time and part of W.B. Yeats` literary circle. The story of Gore-Booth`s life is captivating. Her close bond with her sister, an iconic Irish nationalist, provides a new insight into Countess Markievicz`s personal life. Gore-Booth`s life story vividly traces her experiences of issues such as militant pacifism during the Great War, the case for the reprieve of Roger Casement`s death sentence, sexual equality in the workplace, and the struggle for Irish independence. |